I Lied (WincestSastiel)
by spnwincest
Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester are famous in the hunting world. They have hunted and killed many supernatural creatures, but there is one creature that Sam and Dean haven't been able to kill. This is one unknown to Dean; Sam's feelings towards his brother. That is one creature that Sam wants to kill desperately, in fear that one day Dean will find out and hate Sam forever.
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="5efe876709133d1775c610d88c127d7c"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Hey idjits! /span/p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="b39859dd5b6d916d83234e461fce23e5"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"This is my first official fanfiction on (and AO3 and Wattpad), and I am hoping that you will enjoy this story as much as I do (which is a lot considering that I absolutely love Wincest). This story is going to keep switching between seasons three and four a lot, so there is no actual straight timeline in this /span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="5f6761f1e3a27de6eb0d2bb41a76cb9f"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"Well...Cas and all the angels and a lot of the characters from seasons four and five are going to be situated in this story anyway. Bela is not dead. Ruby is not dead. Jo and Ellen are still alive (so is Ash), Gabriel is ... well ... Gabriel/The Trickster still. Bobby isn't in a wheelchair. John and Azazel may or may not be dead - Lilith may pop up from time to time. Lucifer is free from hell. Alistair is still dead (only because I don't like the bugger)./span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="218fab703b80e60b02be15174b6d1879"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"This story was originally written in past tense-third person and is now being written in present tense-third person, so it kinda sucks. I am also really bad at writing in third person in the first place so this may be extra sucky. Hell, it will probably be one of the worst stories I have ever written./spanspan style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="4fb99271e16e9691f863e56dc0538553"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"This story is a boyxboy and a wincest fanfiction that may have smut in it (depending on me). This story has many mentions of self harm (cutting and burning), and suicide attempts, and stories of attempted suicide attempts./span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="81c786b196a1f075ea6ba9b3b312e903"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"- Sammy xo/span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="c9083f8e7845bfd66c5e992f9b85623d"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"-|-|-|-/span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e56c193f5f280c361cbd3cf4cefab795" "Sammy," Dean says. "I'm going to a bar."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="fb99891292932f0e736806f34f0e3064" Sam winces. "Have fun, Dean."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4bee4f0e1256e71e825641e39ed88191" The door of the motel slams behind Dean and Sam sighs sadly. This is a normal occurrence between the brothers when they were on a hunt, and it hurts Sam more than it should hurt him. The hurt comes from how he feels about Dean, and he is more than disgusted by himself because he knows that his feelings shouldn't be real. Sam knows that is is beyond wrong to feel the way he does about his brother, but he can't help it./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e9672f1ab7e1e7d7443ae65559a347c5" Sam hears Dean's black '67 Chevy Impala leave the motel parking lot, and he knows that he is alone now. He heads to the motel room's bathroom and looks at himself in the mirror, repulsed at what he sees. His hair is getting longer and needs a cut, and his skins is getting even more pale than usual, making the black bags from his lack of sleep stand out more than Sam likes. This all makes him feel even worse. Compared to Dean, Sam thinks that he is a person who doesn't deserve anything./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="286aedd22c607ff7bd4be35f6af43103" "Sorry, Dean," Sam says./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="36ec7a36a9833c8dff7931cdd9df691d"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"-|-|-|-/span /p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="915a89e58a823cc3a4400ea2536e6c23" Dean gets a bad feeling as soon as he pulls into the parking lot of the motel. He turns the Impala's ignition off and runs inside the motel room. He doesn't see Sam anywhere, but he can see that the bathroom door is shut and that there is a light on in there. He bangs on the door but gets no answer. Fear shoots through him; he feels unbelievably scared and he doesn't know what to do. Dean bangs on the door again and, this time, hears a small noise./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ff24c68395831d7f8a8973e0530deae8" "Sam!" Dean yells. "Sam, open this damn door!"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="943ef3ee8f71a437568e2d4187ef7471" Sam doesn't reply and Dean backs away from the door. He kicks the door open and horror washes over him as he sees Sam laying on the ground, blood pooling around Sam and an empty pill container near him. Dean's instincts kick in and he grabs a handful of washcloths to try stop the blood flowing from Sam's wrist. He tapes the washcloths to Sam's arm and drags him over to the shower cubicle. Dean forces two of his fingers down Sam's throat, and forces Sam to start throwing up the pills he swallowed./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="e3a8025926d64b71a8c402c7ac26a6bc" "Sammy," Dean says softly. "Please get it all out."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2d5b8ca11c8703a5fcc2a43e68fdd039" Sam looks at him. "Why?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="48f7a3c38e37026661bff0e553c935cb" "I can't lose you."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="d270f3fc7a0ff259a5bdea63f614c70a" Sam lets out a noise that sounds like a scoff, but allows Dean to help him. He throws up all of the pills he swallowed and rests his head against the glass surrounding the shower as Dean cleans Sam's cuts and sews up his arm. Sam doesn't say anything to Dean, even though he is being bombarded with questions as Dean wraps a bandage around Sam's arm. Dean is still scared, and that isn't about to change any time soon./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="22036479b2a669986b9e15fe6a4921c5" "Sammy, please tell me," Dean begs. "Why did you do this?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="4473db6d2fa87afd2286e8a7984e6689" Sam sighs. "Can I tell you when I'm ready?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="ac738850edce9b41d06d226e523982b0" "Okay, Sam. Just...please don't take too long."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="f4787908222c2f9a3509a8015d2c48bd" "I'll try, Dean."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="38a4cde83ffc984dfb5ecc60223c557e" "I'm keeping an eye on you, okay, Sammy?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="252b5764fe748ff23ca34e41a2632c43" Sam smirks. "Suicide watch again?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="601336895f4737bd713e50e60c6de5b6" "I'm scared, Sam."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2114a222192eedb09753002af30e2b61" "Of what?"/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="b1c4db3d0a7609f7a701f7be4ec7f95a" "Waking up one day and finding you dead."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555; text-align: center;" data-p-id="203446aaaed81f5d57ba46c035694eff"span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: bold;"-|-|-|-/span/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="2101fa5afefb108e5976262dfedf27cf" That night is hard for Dean. He is beyond tired, but, at the same time, he is overly paranoid. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Sam, unconscious, with blood under his arm, and the empty pill container just laying there. It makes him not want to sleep, and it almost forces him to keep a watchful eye on his younger brother all night. Dean knows that his Sammy is a danger to himself, but Dean had no idea how to prevent Sam from hurting himself anymore./p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="a4e3da4f474b21df25ee4ab744fd286d" "em style="box-sizing: border-box;"My/em Sammy?!" Dean says, shocked. "What am I on about now? He's not mine... He's never going to be mine because he deserves so much better than me. I'm not worth him and his time. God, I don't deserve him."/p  
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 24px; font-family: 'Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px; font-size: 18px; padding: 0px; color: #555555;" data-p-id="c1eb90753bbbf2ac4859194f715c3d17" Little did Dean know that Sam is listening to every single word that Dean was saying. He is understandably confused with everything that Dean had said, but it makes Sam feel that, just maybe, he has some sort of chance with everything; it makes him feel slightly better, but the thing that makes him feel much better is when he was cuddling up to Dean. As soon as Sam does so, Dean pulls Sam as close as humanly possible and they both drift off into nightmare ridden sleeps./p 


End file.
